y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
