i would punch a child for taco bell
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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