I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
