we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
