He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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