i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
