If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
