so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
