I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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