All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You ruined the universe
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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