Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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