my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
