Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
