I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have aggressive nipples.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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