found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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