We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
