this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
