I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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