I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
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Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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