Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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