Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
