I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
