so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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