She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
