Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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