i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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