Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
