His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
