i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
