at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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