Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
is that a dick in a sweater?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
