Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
