The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
