He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
