Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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