Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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