I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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