my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
