my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
