he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
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All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
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Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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