i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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