All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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