theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
