That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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