This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
