no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
