Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
