if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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