Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
