i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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