Got a toothbrush?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
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We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize