the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
