On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you will always have a special place in my vag
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
