I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
