I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Randomize
