Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
This is classic penis vs brain.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
