wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
