I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
