your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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