I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
