He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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