He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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