We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
